When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Later, I spoke with Mom. 2. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. We were a tough group. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. 18. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. It was sheer brilliance. 45. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. The Blonde Fighter Pilot While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Why Do We Celebrate It? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. 4. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? The Scouts at least have adult supervision. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. He says, Anyway, enough about me. 5. What would As A.J. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Rodrigues there? Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed But I had the last laugh. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. He is the Founder and . A drill serGENTLEMEN! 15. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. A drill serGENTLEMEN! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Rodrigues there? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! What does ARMY mean to you? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. It was sheer brilliance. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. ! Again, no reply. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. 54. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Soldier: Sure, buddy. Thats Daddy. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. I just put them all together for your amusement. [Answered]. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. 46. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Whats an LMD? I asked. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Semper Pie Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. 9. Long Haul There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Pizza de Resistance Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. 30. Marine: Wait, stop. March forth! What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? I was the cook.. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 38. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. 64. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Want more amazing military jokes? March forth! USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. 35. R-i-i-ing!) Landings are mandatory. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. How tough? The Army will post guards around the building. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Marine: Wait, stop. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest military aviation humour - Pilotfriend One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Eat up! He finally comes dragging in at. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Pilots 5. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Its where we park the helicopters.. 8. Theres a post recall and he went to work. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. The INFANTry! In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. The Lasting Supper Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. If you cant pick it up, paint it. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. 2. He nodded. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Why won't you kiss me? Then one day I couldnt find it. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. We recommend our users to update the browser. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start Soldier: No, SIR!. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Did it work? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Officer: Soldier. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 10. This site contains affiliate links. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. 4. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". OHH OHOH! 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved 16. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Good judgment comes from experience.